Jesus is coming any minute now and I look like shit!!!

Been listening to the Plaid remix of Bjork's "All Is Full of Love." It's really pretty. Didn't know a remix could make me cry.

I feel awkward when I'm around her.

I'm just weird.

Ok, ok, as long as we keep them under four feet tall and don't make them any stronger than us, and make sure they don't have a "kill" logarithm in their programming, I think we're safe...Check it out.

What I want today...
1) For my heart to be made of Nerf.
2) A good backrub. I said GOOD, dammit!!!
3) An ice cold soda pop.
4) A nap.
5) A big, long kiss on the mouth.
6) A million dollars.
7) A pony.
8) A shower.
9) A decent parking space.
10) Another nap.

I read recently about a report that men who frequently masturbate lower their risk for prostate cancer.

Great.

Now I'm masturbating out of fear.

Yesterday it was so hot I came home and just lay on my bed in my drawers, just laying there moaning "it's so goddamn hot, it's so goddamn hot" for about an hour and a half.

T says that since I usually write in bed, most of my poems are about women. OK, she's right. The last two poems I wrote recently were in bed and were about a certain woman. You know, that one. The one from somewhere else and the one whom I asked out and the one who is completely not ready for dating right now and the one who makes me feel all goofy. Yeah, her. THe first one I wrote a few days after I met her. The last one I wrote the night I saw her last. It's really frustrating. I feel like a dope. I feel like I'm back in high school and I have braces again and I have to not act like myself or else she'll think I'm a dork. Yeah, just like that.

The stye on my eyelid is going down. Yesterday it was about as big as a small house. Today it's about as big as an RV. I just want it to go away.

It's like she's lurking around the corner, or hovering right over my shoulder. It's very disconcerting. It's almost like she's threatening. But threatening to do what, I don't know. It puts me off.

I'm watching this PBS documentary on Sparta. Man, the woman hosting it is HOT!!!! I like history.

My weekend in Chicago
Hmmm. Chicago. Chicago, Chicago, Chicago. What can I say about this lovely city? This last weekend was my 4th visit to the Windy City. Chicago brings back many memories, mostly bittersweet. But, hell, life is bittersweet.

This last trip was a combo, almost a surprise-pak of everything. But at least I was with zero 3. There was mostly stress ( I got a stye on my eyelid Saturday night, and it has grown to the size and weight of a bowling ball), a lot of work, and a lot of fun.

Friday we were running late and rushed like motherfuckers to the airport. THEN, we were delayed on the runway of LAX for about 45 minutes. When we landed at O’Hare, we were greeted by lightning, thunder as loud as cannons, rain like a monsoon, and some hail. We wondered if this was an omen of some kind. Me, E, R, and the other E checked into a small, private hotel where we could have ordered a stairmaster to be sent up to our room. How? The room was as small as a walk-in closet. Where the hell would we put it? But I really, REALLY wanted to order one anyway, just to say that I did.

Saturday I met up with A, an ex-girlfriend from many years ago, who is now married and expecting a child. We spent most of Saturday afternoon together, which was the most relaxing day all weekend, although we ate enough dim sum to stuff a young elephant (maybe her baby was really, really hungry). Afterwards, I went to meet R and the other E near Wrigley Field (they tried to get standing room tickets to the game, but it was sold out).

Saturday evening we saw a great showcase of poets from around the country. Some of them I knew, most of them I didn’t. Afterwards, a barbecue at a friend’s apartment. Yum.

Sunday – thundershowers, workshops. Work. Zero 3 ran an ensemble performance workshop. It was lots of fun. 2 hours goes by so quickly in those things. Afterwards, straight to the theater to prepare for the showcase in which we were to be featured. The program had to be changed, though, and we ended up not performing. Regardless, we were witness to and participated in a really different, bonding event. Odd, yes. Somewhat uncomfortable, but definitely, something that affected everyone. Oh, and afterwards, E and a bunch of us went to a bar where we were part of a racial incident that became a learning experience for everyone. And I had a cheeseburger.

Monday morning (yes, I said MORNING) – workshops. We closed our weekend with our final workshop. Again, a ton of fun. All participants were fun and open, and we met many cool people. Was driven to Oak Park to have lunch with my cousin, who really wanted to see me. I was in such a rush (we were leaving for the airport) I had time to see her for 10 minutes, stuff my face with lumpia, and leave. Met the rest of zero 3 and others at Bennigan’s on Michigan Ave. I paid for E’s lunch and the rest of the boys (they were driving back to L.A. and I figured they needed the cash for the trip). The other E drove T and I back to O’Hare. The sun was shining. During the wait in the airport, T and I discussed that we were quite disappointed that we couldn’t perform, but figured we were not meant to perform in Chicago that weekend. Another time would come.

So I’m back home. At work. With a stye on my eyelid the size of Rhode Island. I learned a lot from this trip:
1. Pack light. It kicks ass.
2. I have conditioned myself to fall asleep once I get on the plane. Mostly because sometimes planes freak me out.
3. A map on your hand-held computer makes you look less like a tourist and makes you feel so much like a space traveler.
4. Taking the train makes me feel so metropolitan.
5. Bring a compass. I’m not kidding.
6. Pon farr travels with you.
7. Douglas Adams was right…don’t forget your towel.