Substitution

Not having a girlfriend is leaving a void in me. And now I am filling that void with candy, cake and ice cream. Which is kind of bad because I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning. And I don't want him taking blood sample and saying "Well, Mr. Kabasares, it seems that your blood is made entirely of corn syrup."

You can thank me later

At the end of my horoscope today, it read "...and if you feel like snuggling, your sweetheart won't mind." And I thought, I DON'T HAVE A SWEETHEART, YOU ASSHOLE!! So I kicked the monitor and my foot went through the glass and it shattered. And then radiation was released. And then aliens came down because they thought it was a signal to destroy the earth. And so they took me into their flying saucer. And I fought them off. And they got scared and flew back to where they came from. So I saved the world.

So, after all that, I think I deserve a sweetheart.

It's not about self-esteem

I've noticed that I've never turned heads before, like some people can. I just don't. Not that I'm an ogre or anything, but I just can't get people to turn heads. I don't think I could turn people's heads even if people's heads could move freely 360 degrees on ball bearings.

My faults

There are two things about me can sometimes be a problem.

1) I'm too nice
2) I sleep too late
3) I'm not good at counting

I'm a good borrower

I really have to return my cousin's DVD of "The Fast and the Fur!ous." Because if I die, I don't want people to look at my video collection and think that I actually liked and bought that movie.