At the end of my horoscope today, it read "...and if you feel like snuggling, your sweetheart won't mind." And I thought, I DON'T HAVE A SWEETHEART, YOU ASSHOLE!! So I kicked the monitor and my foot went through the glass and it shattered. And then radiation was released. And then aliens came down because they thought it was a signal to destroy the earth. And so they took me into their flying saucer. And I fought them off. And they got scared and flew back to where they came from. So I saved the world.
So, after all that, I think I deserve a sweetheart.
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