This is the Valentine's card I sent to my friends...

I choo-choo-choose YOU all as my Valentines! Isn't that swell and shit?

That Cupid fella has good aim. Goes straight for the main body mass,
where all the vitals are. I must now remove this barbed hunting shaft
from my torso. That winged motherfucker uses arrowheads used to take
down elk! I think my left lung has collapsed. DAMN YOU, CHERUBIC
ARCHER! DAMN YOU TO HEL- [collapses in a heap] [major blood loss]