When I go out on a date (god knows when that will happen), I must ask the following questions...
1) You know I'm not gay, right?
2) Are you married/dating/seeing anyone right now?
3) Do you find me sexually threataning?
4) Why not?
5) How about now (growl, slurp, growl)?
6) Are you now or have you ever been a man?
7) Can you please remove your salad fork from my eye?

This is a fun site. You can create and send a flash animation movie to your friends.

On another note...I'm supposed to be at the Morning Job™ at 10am, but I usually get in at 10:30 because I have a bitch of a time getting up. Anyways, my Morning Job™ boss calls me at 9am to remind me to bring something. I'm one of those people who answer the phone very energetic and peppy, no matter what time. So the phone call woke me up, but I answered as if I'd been up for an hour or so. I hang up, and go back to sleep for another 40 minutes (it makes a difference, it really does).

So here I am, at the Morning Job™. I did one job related thing. Now I'm surfing the web again. I think I'm going to submit a slogan to a t-shirt company.

I'm a pretty simple guy. I don't ask for much. In order, these are the only things I ask for in the universe:

1) The ability to sleep 8 hours or at least until 10am every day.
2) Ice cream on demand
3) The ability to eat while I sleep
4) For right now, a girlfriend (and eventually, get married)
5) Monkeys to fly out of my ass (just out of curiosity)
6) Unending supply of hot shower water
7) No traffic jams
8) Personal masseusse with 6 hands
9) World peace and the end of starvation
10) Personal security robot with death lasers that shoot out of its eyes

If you don't like the "one nation under God" part of the pledge of allegiance, then don't say it. I won't. But, at the same time, don't treat the ones who don't say it like they were un-patriotic antichrists. If I don't say "under God," am I still patriotic? Hell yes and don't piss me off. I don't know if there is a God, so why would I want our country unified by something I'm not sure exists?

On a completely different note, I am almost positive that my body doesn't fuction until 10am at the earliest. No matter how much sleep I get, I can't get up before that hour. Why must we fight the natural rythms of our body? My body says get up any time after 10am, take a half-hour nap sometime before 3 and 5pm, go to sleep between 1 and 3am. Constantly snack all day, with several larger "meals" in between. Have sex or masturbate when horny (these days, it's mostly the latter). That's what my body says and I'm not going to ignore it. Except that there's these things called "jobs" which keep me from doing what my body actually wants.

It's been a slow month at the Morning Job™. I've been here for three hours and answered the phone three times. The rest of the time I've been surfing the web or playing "Bejeweled" on my Handspring. Really, there is nothing to do here right now. Yet they expect me to come in. Sure, why the hell not. I'm being paid by the hour, so why the hell not. I guess I could not come to work and NOT get paid, but at least I'd feel more productive. That's okay. I leave in half an hour to Afternoon Job™ anyways.

I'm not a big sports fan, and I'm not writing this to belittle sports fans or anything. I'm just wondering. Why do sports fans go crazy over their favorite teams? Looking at it objectively, I'm just trying to figure that one out. Some people go completely bonkeroos watching a bunch of other people playing a game. They enjoy it, but wouldn't it be more fun to participate in the game than watch? Maybe some people aren't as good at the game as the ones playing, so they enjoy it vicariously.

But what drives a stadium of thousands to simultaniously enjoy vicariously to such fanatic fervor? It's almost religious. Do they pin their hopes on these teams? What do they hope for? Do the players represent what the spectator wishes for? Maybe the spectators wish they were sports stars, and are the teams living out their wishes?

Mabye it's the feeling of accomplishment at the end of a game. Mabye in watching a game the team, for the spectator, represents their personal desires for success. So when the team succeeds, the person feels like he/she succeeded. But why do we need a stand-in for our own feelings of success and accpomlishment? Are our own personal victories not enough to satisfy us? Do we need outside stimulus to inspire us to succeed in life? Can't we just do that on our own? Or does watching your team win excuse you from attempting to do anything in your own life?

On a completely different note, I may need new glasses soon (wow, did that subject change spin your head or what?). I've had the current pair for almost two years. What do I do that makes the left lenses of my glasses so scratchy? It's always the left lens that gets more scratchy than the right. Maybe the question should be, How do people keep their glasses scratch-free? Maybe they don't. Maybe I'm just like the teeming hoards of scratchy glasses people, but nobody says anything about it. I don't know. I think it's just me. I think I subconsciously want lasik surgery so I don't need glasses. But glasses have been part of my face for almost all my life. Oooh, I hate scratchy lenses.

Went to Karate class last night...first time in a long time. Boy, that's a great workout. I kept up pretty well, except that I keep forgetting my kata (forms). But it looks like I'll be going fairly regularly in July, so I have some time to get back up to speed. August may become a little busy again. I love doing martial arts.

Okay, well I don't do stand-up comedy any more (I did it from '90 - '97). But in our z3 show, I do a little thing about stand-up - it's called "Kennedy's not a stand-up", and in it, I talk about how I don't do stand-up any more, but I do it in stand-up form (oh, the irony!). Any-hoo, it's gotten the stand-up joke-writing part of my brain to work again, so now I come up with jokey things to say in my head, but I have no forum for it. Last night I came up with this one punch line that I can never ever use except in a stand-up venue. Man, that sucks. Maybe it would work as a slogan on a t-shirt. Who could I sell it to? Damn, you, Comedy Gods! Damn you!

I think I'm the only one who reads this, which is OK by me, 'cuz I have a hard time writing journals on paper. It's easier to do this while (whilst?) typing. And, since no one else is reading this, I feel safe saying that I'm naked right now.

Okay, so maybe I'm too dependent on this certain thing but okay, here it is...it's 3:25pm, and since 11:00am, I haven't received a single email, or phone call (home or cel). I know, it sounds rediculous, but I live and die by that kind of thing. If I don't get an email or phone call, I feel like a total loser! Okay, I know, it's not important. I mean, it's not. Really, it isn't. But for some reason I equate the number of emails/phone calls to the importance of my existence as a human on this planet. Is it just me? Maybe I should talk to a professional. A professional what, I don't know. Maybe a professional wrestler.

So, another fun weekend. Lots of sleep. Friday night Korea won the soccer match, so as I was driving thru K-town, it was PACKED!! I went to an art gallery opening that two of my friends were showing at, and there were some cool spoken word artists performing that night.

Saturday I went to Sportmart and got some camping supplies for Burning Man. On the way out, I stopped by the art store and then I HAD to go into Best Buy (I'm a guy and that's the law). Inside I ran into my friend Dave and his (I think) boyfriend. They were going to buy a TiVo. Dave is such a tech-head that I thought he would have it by now. He said he was going to enter "Charo" and see what kind of shows it would retrieve. Then I went to the Sol Festival, which was pretty cool, although I thought there would be more vendors. I got to see more friends perform. Then I went home and did laundry, cleaned the apartment, and SLEPT.

Sunday I did some more running around looking for camping & exercise stuff (I bought some push up handle bars...it's summer and I want to look less stick-like) and then I went to the IFP/West film festival to see a friend's movie. Oh, and I rented "Tombstone," which I never saw, and a video game, which is addicting. I have it till friday. Let's see how much sleep I get this week.

I'm at the Morning Job™ and I'm alone! Woo-hoo! Yippeee! I'm alone! I can work in my underwear! I can eat butter at the computer! I can make fart noises with my armpit! Yay!

Well, I could, but I'm not. I'm just sitting here surfing the web. I guess I can turn on the TV and watch HBO or Maury Povich ("...you are the father!").

I just could NOT get up this morning. It's crazy. I fell asleep at around 1:30am, yet I didn't get out of bed until around 10:30, which was the time I was supposed to be at work. Maybe it's the weather or something. Maybe my body is telling me to get some friggin rest. Which I need.

Today's weather is kinda wierd. Kinda cool and misty. Wierd for June. Maybe it's earthquake weather!!! So instead of scootering to work (and since I was late as all hell), I drove to work. Which is good because I have a ton of quarters I need to unload, and parking meters are a good, quick way to do that. Maybe I should give them to the homeless dudes here downtown, but I've slowly stopped doing that. Mabye that's why I have so much change. I used to give change to people freely. Heck, I couldn't go down Haight Street in San Francisco without emptying my pockets of change. But nowadays, maybe it's because I'm older, I'm really reluctant to give anything anyomore. I've noticed I'm not that giving to strangers, and I've got this semi-cold attitude to strangers and even people behind counters and such. I'm attributing it to the January 2001 incident. I think I don't want to come across as vulnerable to people.

When I was in SF this past weekend I met a really cool woman. She works at a non-profit arts space. She gave me a ride home from our show. We talked about a bunch of art-related issues, which was pretty cool. Then we started to talk casually. I subtly probed around, subtly trying to bring out questions/phrases that would at least identify her sexual orientation (I can't tell you how many times I've had crushes on women who turn out to be lesbians). Anyway, I mentioned to her my "ken-spawn" idea (see my 6/10/02 entry). She thought it was interesting. Then she countered with "I told my friends that I would name my kid 'Megatron.'" I told her I thought that was an awesome name. She said "It would be okay for a girl, because you could call her Meg for short."

I think I'm in love.

I love my car. I rarely use it, though. Usually about 3 or 4 times a week. But it needs a vacuum and constant washing. I don't have a garage, and the LA air is so sooty there's always a layer of dust on it. Of all my vehicles, this one is the cleanest I've kept. Pretty good, considering what a car slob I am. I am determined to keep the trunk fairly empty. I don't know why, but I love empty trunks. It's a preparedness thing, I guess. I've always kept the "be prepared" thing since the boy scouts, and having trunk space makes me feel like I can take things on at a moment's notice. Large box? No problem. Bicycle? No problem. Dead body? Well, if you insist, sure. You clean it out, though.

Same thing goes for my apartment, too. This is the first apartment I've had on my own, so I try to keep it fairly clean. Sure, I let it all go to hell on those extremely, insanely busy weeks/months, like MAY, but in general, I've been keeping my slobbishness to a minimum. There was a time where you couldn't walk in my room without stepping on something. I think I'm that way because before, I used to have roommates, so I had to make sure the common areas were liveable. And I guess I needed to have a space just for me to not care so much, so I figured "hell, I'll let my room fall to shit. As long as it doesn't creep out into the hallway, I'm cool."

But now that I have my own space, I've sort of created my own "sanctuary." I intentionally keep one section of my wall without any posters/pictures/furniture. I keep it bare. I call it my "zen space." Just a blank area to keep all clutter away, so no matter what the situation is, there is always a space with nothing.

Just a thought...if I ever have a son (and that's a BIG IF...that's if I have ANY children at ALL), I will name him Malakas (MA-la-KÁS) or Lakas (la-KÁS). It's Tagalog. Someone I know named her son that, and I think it's pretty cool.

Turns out that cousin R is going to Burning Man in an RV, and is camping with 40+ others in their own theme camp. Score! Now I don't have to worry about showers or refrigeration!

Yesterday I dedided to email/call some people I haven't heard from in a long, long time. I should do that every couple of days or so, just to see what people are up to, and to make sure they don't think I died. And it feels good for two reasons: 1) Making contact with someone you haven't seen or heard from in a while is just a good thing, and 2) Hearing someone say "I miss you" is a really good way to pick yourself up.

Went to Food 4 less the other night and bought a lot of food, some of which was not really necessary or healty - chocolate/peanut butter oreos? Health - bad. Taste, not so bad...not the greatest, but not un-enjoyable. Frozen White Castle Cheeseburguers? Bad, but yummy. Aside from that, I've been watching my junk intake, just cuz. Oooh...armor hot dogs? Bad, but OH SO YUMMY.

Your heartbeat in the morning is the greatest gift.
When lightning stops it's because it knows you are near.

I hope to say these to my girlfriend someday, whenever I acquire one. Till then I'm eating chocolate and doing crunches every night.

P.S.
I finally, FINALLY fixed the mailto refs in this webpage. Man, I am such a dork.

P.P.S.
I did it. I bought a ticket to Burning Man. I made a reservation for a car rental. I guess I'm going now. My cousin, R, is going, so at least I'll know one person up there. We'll see how it goes.

This past weekend has got to be one of the most fun, exciting, carefree and overall fun weekends I've had in a long, long time. Start with Friday...I fly to SF to meet E, T and J to do our show. I get there about 3:45pm. We do tech. We eat and then have a warm-up. The Friday evening crowd was not to big, yet it they had a really, really good time. Even Mom and Dad showed. After the show, people come up to us with this glimmer in their eye and thank us for our show. Thanks us? I thank THEM for showing up! We go to the basement and chill and jam with the theater staff. I go home and almost immediately fall asleep.

Next day, Mom and Dad take me out to Japanese food. Yum. I take the subway to the theater. We have time to chill out, then do our warm-up. My brother and his girlfriend show up. The place is packed. There are people in the aisles. People are hyped. We have an awesome show. Now, even MORE people with the glimmer come up and thank us. Again, we thank THEM for just being there. After the audience leaves, in the tradition of the staff, they do a parody of the show. They even rope in our own sound guy to be part of it. My cheeks hurt from all the laughing. We go downstairs to chill and jam with the staff again.

Sunday I fly back to L.A. and take a nap before I go to the party where JC and I are having our joint birthday party. It's at this wacky place in Eagle Rock...it's a bowling alley with a chinese restaurant, a cheap bar with karaoke, a pool table and video games. What more would you want? Many, many friends show up and we just have a hoot. JC said all that was missing was a swimming pool and free sex for everyone.

Wow. What a weekend.

Just now realized that my email link on this page was SPELLED WRONG. Great. No wonder no one writes to me. They don't write to me because I CAN'T EVEN SPELL MY OWN EMAIL ADDRESS!!

I forgot to mention...on Sunday, at ML's party, I went to the parking lot and saw a car lying on its roof. How the...yeah. KC and I looked at it with the amazement of children looking at big fish in an aquarium. Wow. How did it get like that? It didn't look like it was in an accident or anything. Except for the windows being all craked up, there was no real external damage that indicated an impact or anything. We guessed that someone was pissed at whoever it was who owned the car, and got a bunch of friends or someone with a truck or something to roll it onto its roof. It was quite a site, and I wish I got some pictures of it.

Every night for the last several months or so, at around 11:45pm, birds start chirping, REAL LOUD, around my neighborhood. It's wierd for two reasons...first, it is 11:45pm, and second, I live in downtown L.A. I think they live across the street in the trees around the police station. But damn, they are loud. I think they're average loud, but since the streets are empty, and their chirps bounce off the buildings, they sound EXTREE loud.

But the birds are not as loud as that guy who lives in the corner apartment. He looks to be in his early forties, and he seems like a normal guy when I see him in the hall. He rides a bike. But once in a great while, he just goes in a tirade and shouts heavily slurred English and Japanese for what seems like hours. I think he's either drunk or he forgets to take his meds or something. I've called the police on him twice. He lives alone, and he shouts at no one in particular out the window. He walks around his apartment in a towel and just shouts. He's been warned by the management I think twice, and he's calmed down for a while, but now he's starting up again.

Maybe he's shouting at the birds.

Wow. I was just sitting here wondering what to write about, and I thought, "Just start with the events of yesterday, and things will start coming up." But I don't remember anything quite outstanding from yesterday. Other than my acting class got cancelled so I went to food4less to go grocery shopping, where I bought a bunch of cheap food and got some ideas of stuff to bring if I go to Burning Man.

On the subject of Burning Man, I'm going mostly out of curiosity. I heard 'bout it many years ago when I was still in San Francisco, and it made me curious. Now I'm wondering what types of people will be out there. Of course there are the artsy-fartsy types (myself included), but there are also the hippie-dippy types, the ravers, the goths, and the renaissance faire types (don't get me started on THAT one). I wonder how much my tolerance level will be pushed. It's rather high already. But get 20,000 of them together? Hmmm...

But anyways, back to yesterday. Um, yeah. Nothing much happened. I went to the post office. Oh, yeah, I went to buy the latest Giant Robot Magazine, and Margaret Cho mentioned me! Wow, that was a big 'ol surprise right there, junior!

Yes. I drank last night. Not a lot, though. One sake, one beer. That's it. Cold sake, too. Tastes pretty good...you should try it. Cold sake is interesting. You drink it out of a sqare, wooden cup, instead of a small, round cup. It's pretty refreshing. Anyway...party last night...crowded. JC made me laugh like a madman. He's the only guy that can do that.

Anyhoo, went to bed late and woke up with a stiff neck. I'm oooooold.

I have decided that if I ever have children, I will refer to them collectively as "Ken-spawn." You know, to replace the use of "kids" or "children." "Hey, why don't you come over and meet the Ken-spawn?" or "Those are my Ken-spawn over there."

On a completely different note, here is another question that popped up during my quest to Figure It All Out™: Why did we humans take in pets? I understand how we took in the cow for milk and meat, but when and why did dogs and cats become part of our family? We take in another species of animal and treat them like they were us. We give them names, food and water, even their own bed. Why? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

And would someone please tell my why I'm suddenly getting all these hot sex porn adverts on my e-mail?

Okay, I think I set a record for myself (at least since college). I think I had an alcoholic drink every night this week. EVERY NIGHT. I haven't done that since I don't know when. I'm probably going to do that again tonight, since it's ML's birthday, and he likes to drink. OK. We'll see how it goes. Damn, all these birthdays!! Damn them!! You maniacs!!

You know what day it is today? IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!! Ya-hoo! Last night I went out with E and he bought me a beer at midnight. Hooray for mee! It's my BIRTHDAY! I'm thir(cough) years old. Hooray for meee!

I wanna go back to sleep. Last night went out to celebrate ML's birthday. Damn, these Geminis! Didn't drink as much as the night before, but just enough. Will stay home and sleep tonight, no matter what. Tomorrow is my birthday!! Will probably do something low-key since JC and I are having a party on the 16th. Maybe a movie or just go out to eat.

It was about 78 degrees at 10:30am. Boy, it's hot. And I drank too much last night.

So last night T and E and I performed at the cafe. It was the first time all three of us were together in over a week. So we hit the stage, and I looked over to my left and saw T's head, and E's head beyond hers, and I thought "Wow, this is great." I love working with those guys.

Went to the bar, where J was celebrating his birthday. So I payed the tab for his table. Share the wealth. I also bought TB dinner the other night. Just to share the wealth.

Two great things: Hershey's Kisses Limited Edition Dark, and Hershey's Kisses Limited Edition Creamy.

Finally got some money for my commercial yesterday. AND, after paying off the agent and the manager, I IMMEDIATELY pulled out all the bills I haven't payed in the last 3 months or so. After all that, I have a little less than half of my original check. And of that half, I put about half away in savings. So that means I only really have a couple hundred dollars of fun money. Okay. Well, at least I got rid of a lot of bills...for now. And I STILL haven't seen the commercial.

Morning Job is kind of slow right now. At least I have time to surf the web.

I love these kinds of problems. I have to be in SF to do a show with zero 3 for June 14 and 15, but my agent needs me available in LA for a commercial on the 14th. Wow. This is a problem that's good to have.