First of all, every computer I dealt with today was being a shitbag. Is Mercury in retrograde?
And then tonight at around 11:30pm I'm in the dairy section of R@lph's, looking around, and inside my head I'm screaming "WHO THE FUCK TOOK ALL THE MOTHERFUCKING SOY MILK!?" Which, even in my head, sounded like a strange sentence. Not as strange as "That nun kicked that elephant in the balls," But I digress.
I was really pissed off that the soy milk I wanted was not there, for that was the only reason I made a stop to the grocery store in the first place. I'm thinking "CAN'T ANYTHING GO RIGHT TODAY? PLEASE? WHY? WHY IS LIFE SO DIFFICULT? WHY CAN'T I HAVE NICE THINGS? WHY DO SHITTY THINGS HAPPEN TO NICE PEOPLE LIKE ME? WHAT DID I DO IN A PAST LIFE THAT DEMANDS THIS KIND OF PAYBACK? IS LIFE JUST A BLACK HOLE OF MEANINGLESSNESS? IS HUMANKIND JUST FOOLING ITSELF? IS THIS TRULY MY DESTINY? IS THERE A GOD, AND IF SO, IS HE/SHE JUST AND GOOD, OR DOES HE/SHE EVEN GIVE A SHIT? IS THERE LIFE AFTER DEATH? WHAT IF THIS IS ALL THERE IS? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?"
So, I immediatley said to myself "Geez, you're getting all worked up over soy milk." Has ANYONE ever gotten THAT worked up about soy milk? Other than people in the soy milk industry, I mean. Well, apparently, I did.
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I, myself, once pitched a demonic screeching-fit over an agonizing unavailability of breast milk.
I think I was two days old at the time. I don't remember what mommy-juice tastes like, but I guess it was pretty good...
No probs with no-soy milk, but when Ralphs lacks those nifty Popeye's (tm) spinach salad kits: Piss me all over the place (!)
Aye. In the words of EPMD: You Gots to Chill.
- M.S. Moronicus
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