Monday, December 30, 2002
OK, so, a little bit of filipino tradition...your
cousin's children, according to Filipino tradition,
are called your nieces and nephews, and they call you
aunt or uncle, etc. Fine. OK. We use that in the US
too, that's why even only children can have a bunch of
nieces and nephews, and that's also why we have
billions of people we call aunt and uncle. BUT...if
your neices and nephews have children, what do those
kids call you? "Lolo" or "Lola" (grandpa or
grandma)!!! I DID NOT KNOW THIS!!! It took me
completely by surprise when two little 3-year-old kids
came up to me during the reunion, gave me "mano po",
and said (in perfect Visayan) "Merry Christmas Lolo
Ken!" Lolo Ken?!? WHATTHEWHOWHAHUH? I don't even
own a cane! For a second I almost shit myself
(literally, because I had bad food earlier, but that's
a different story), but then thought, "aww, why the
hell not. They're so cute." One of my FEW weaknesses
are little children who speak another language
fluently.
BEFORE I GO ON...I would like to thank the Honda
Motorcycle Company for creating the XLR 200, a badass
motocross-type bike, complete with pro-link suspension
system. Because of them, I may buy a motorcyle again,
despite my accident (just don't tell my parents).
Yes, my next bike will definitely be an XLR.
OK, what I've done so far: got a foot spa; attended
children's b-day party complete with the BEST FUCKING
PARTY CLOWN (serious, this guy KICKED ASS), where I
ate too much food; attended family reunion (80+ people
- although the first hour and a half was spent curled
up in a ball due to indigestion from the kid's b-day
party); lost my cel phone in a taxi; saw the inside of
a local police precinct, complete with jail
(remember...lots of cops in my family, like "Copland"
but without corruption, "goodfellas" without mob
connection); took a 45 minute boat ride to my late
grandparent's farm; hypnotized a chicken; drank from a
coconut; spent the nite in the town where my dad was
born; rode the HONDA XLR 200 up and down steep, rocky
hills, through mud, past rice fields, around water
buffalo dung, past pigs, goats and naked kids; saw a
monkey; climbed steep, rocky cliffs in FLIP-FLOPS
(took off flip-flops for return, feet still soft due
to foot spa, but now I need a manicure); visited an
ancient cave complete with underground pool and bat
(guide was a one armed man who lost it from dynamite
fishing); fired an M-16; had a picnic and took a
shower under a waterfall (really, a shower - used soap
and everything); saw a pig strapped to a motorcycle;
went to a really huge nightclub; ate durian.
FINAL NOTE: Mindanao is the hugest island in the
south. Most of the places outside of Davao (the
biggest city) are provices (provinces=rural=way the
fuck out there). Most people down here (unlike
manila) are really dark. A taxi driver thought I was
korean. A cashier thought I was Japanese. I'm
visiting my 96 year old grandmother tomorrow. She'll
probably turn to my mom and say "who's the chinese
guy?"
cousin's children, according to Filipino tradition,
are called your nieces and nephews, and they call you
aunt or uncle, etc. Fine. OK. We use that in the US
too, that's why even only children can have a bunch of
nieces and nephews, and that's also why we have
billions of people we call aunt and uncle. BUT...if
your neices and nephews have children, what do those
kids call you? "Lolo" or "Lola" (grandpa or
grandma)!!! I DID NOT KNOW THIS!!! It took me
completely by surprise when two little 3-year-old kids
came up to me during the reunion, gave me "mano po",
and said (in perfect Visayan) "Merry Christmas Lolo
Ken!" Lolo Ken?!? WHATTHEWHOWHAHUH? I don't even
own a cane! For a second I almost shit myself
(literally, because I had bad food earlier, but that's
a different story), but then thought, "aww, why the
hell not. They're so cute." One of my FEW weaknesses
are little children who speak another language
fluently.
BEFORE I GO ON...I would like to thank the Honda
Motorcycle Company for creating the XLR 200, a badass
motocross-type bike, complete with pro-link suspension
system. Because of them, I may buy a motorcyle again,
despite my accident (just don't tell my parents).
Yes, my next bike will definitely be an XLR.
OK, what I've done so far: got a foot spa; attended
children's b-day party complete with the BEST FUCKING
PARTY CLOWN (serious, this guy KICKED ASS), where I
ate too much food; attended family reunion (80+ people
- although the first hour and a half was spent curled
up in a ball due to indigestion from the kid's b-day
party); lost my cel phone in a taxi; saw the inside of
a local police precinct, complete with jail
(remember...lots of cops in my family, like "Copland"
but without corruption, "goodfellas" without mob
connection); took a 45 minute boat ride to my late
grandparent's farm; hypnotized a chicken; drank from a
coconut; spent the nite in the town where my dad was
born; rode the HONDA XLR 200 up and down steep, rocky
hills, through mud, past rice fields, around water
buffalo dung, past pigs, goats and naked kids; saw a
monkey; climbed steep, rocky cliffs in FLIP-FLOPS
(took off flip-flops for return, feet still soft due
to foot spa, but now I need a manicure); visited an
ancient cave complete with underground pool and bat
(guide was a one armed man who lost it from dynamite
fishing); fired an M-16; had a picnic and took a
shower under a waterfall (really, a shower - used soap
and everything); saw a pig strapped to a motorcycle;
went to a really huge nightclub; ate durian.
FINAL NOTE: Mindanao is the hugest island in the
south. Most of the places outside of Davao (the
biggest city) are provices (provinces=rural=way the
fuck out there). Most people down here (unlike
manila) are really dark. A taxi driver thought I was
korean. A cashier thought I was Japanese. I'm
visiting my 96 year old grandmother tomorrow. She'll
probably turn to my mom and say "who's the chinese
guy?"
Tuesday, December 24, 2002
Hellewwww...
It's been 36 hours since I arrived in the
Philippines,30 hours since I arrived in Davao (which
is in Mindanao). A quick rundown...
Things I have learned...
-My family is a Filipino version of both "Goodfellas"
and "Copland" mixed together...in a good way.
-All my relatives look like my brother...they are
stocky, dark and curly-haired. I look like no one.
This must be how Michael Jackson feels at a reunion.
-I have eschewed english, since A) my relatives tell
me that speaking entirely in english would make me
difficult to understand, and B) speaking only english
would make me a target for scammers, scumbags,
thieves, etc. Because of B, there has been a
directive to the family that everyone must speak
Visayan to me (to make me appear local). I'm not even
speaking english to my parents. I am only speaking
english to my Austrailian cousin, and even then only
in private (his accent is rubbing off on me...I now
refer to my mother as "me mum"). I have surprised
myself with the ease at which I am communicating with
everyone. I am speaking a combination of
Tagalog/Visayan/English (I call it Tagayanlish), which
has been understood quite well by everyone.
-Davao's population is said to be about 1 million, but
after driving through traffic and trying to walk
through a mall, it feels like 20 gajillion.
-Our family reunion spot is being kept a secret. Over
100 people are expected, and since many people in the
family are very influential people in this city, it is
being kept under wraps.
-Since I have been here, an article my dad wrote made
the front page of the local paper, I have swum on a
very nice, very clear beach, gotten drunk and sung
karaoke, witnessed a drunken fight in the middle of
the street, went to a strip-type club which, at one
point, had an act where a man in clown makeup and
rubber penis (calling Dr. Freud!! Hello?!) lip-synched
to a song while a transvestite danced in a g-string
(by the way, don't ever tell that to my parents).
I am loving Davao. THis place is wonderful.
It's been 36 hours since I arrived in the
Philippines,30 hours since I arrived in Davao (which
is in Mindanao). A quick rundown...
Things I have learned...
-My family is a Filipino version of both "Goodfellas"
and "Copland" mixed together...in a good way.
-All my relatives look like my brother...they are
stocky, dark and curly-haired. I look like no one.
This must be how Michael Jackson feels at a reunion.
-I have eschewed english, since A) my relatives tell
me that speaking entirely in english would make me
difficult to understand, and B) speaking only english
would make me a target for scammers, scumbags,
thieves, etc. Because of B, there has been a
directive to the family that everyone must speak
Visayan to me (to make me appear local). I'm not even
speaking english to my parents. I am only speaking
english to my Austrailian cousin, and even then only
in private (his accent is rubbing off on me...I now
refer to my mother as "me mum"). I have surprised
myself with the ease at which I am communicating with
everyone. I am speaking a combination of
Tagalog/Visayan/English (I call it Tagayanlish), which
has been understood quite well by everyone.
-Davao's population is said to be about 1 million, but
after driving through traffic and trying to walk
through a mall, it feels like 20 gajillion.
-Our family reunion spot is being kept a secret. Over
100 people are expected, and since many people in the
family are very influential people in this city, it is
being kept under wraps.
-Since I have been here, an article my dad wrote made
the front page of the local paper, I have swum on a
very nice, very clear beach, gotten drunk and sung
karaoke, witnessed a drunken fight in the middle of
the street, went to a strip-type club which, at one
point, had an act where a man in clown makeup and
rubber penis (calling Dr. Freud!! Hello?!) lip-synched
to a song while a transvestite danced in a g-string
(by the way, don't ever tell that to my parents).
I am loving Davao. THis place is wonderful.
Friday, December 20, 2002
Wednesday, December 18, 2002
got milk?
I love milk and milk products (particularly ice cream...mmmmmm, ice cream...), but, if you really think about it, drinking another animal's milk is kinda gross. Why and how did we choose cows and goats for milk? We have accepted them (for some reason) as a source of milk, fine. But that's as far as we should go.
I love milk and milk products (particularly ice cream...mmmmmm, ice cream...), but, if you really think about it, drinking another animal's milk is kinda gross. Why and how did we choose cows and goats for milk? We have accepted them (for some reason) as a source of milk, fine. But that's as far as we should go.
Monday, December 16, 2002
ABANDON SHIP!!!
Afternoon Job is in a converted basement of an historic building in downtown Los Angeles (done extremely well, by the way. It looks like a loft, but it's...um...in the basement). Aaaaaanyhooooo, today was a particularly rainy day in good 'ol LaLaLand, and for some reason, the drain outside our door (which is below sidewalk level) did not drain properly. So, within a few minutes of walking into the office, our office manager warned us of leakage, which quickly turned into floodage. About three to four inches. Quickly we grabbed whatever soakables we could and blocked the doors, and got the shop vac out to suck out all the wett-age. We also had to borrow the shop vac from our upstairs neighbor (GALLONS, I SAY, GALLONS). Well, the flood is gone, and it smells a little musty, but it was quite a sight having all of us with our pants rolled up around our knees, barefoot, scooping water into the bathroom sinks. We have two large, curving staircases leading to an upstairs administration area, so the whole thing felt like the Titanic, but without tuxedoes.
Afternoon Job is in a converted basement of an historic building in downtown Los Angeles (done extremely well, by the way. It looks like a loft, but it's...um...in the basement). Aaaaaanyhooooo, today was a particularly rainy day in good 'ol LaLaLand, and for some reason, the drain outside our door (which is below sidewalk level) did not drain properly. So, within a few minutes of walking into the office, our office manager warned us of leakage, which quickly turned into floodage. About three to four inches. Quickly we grabbed whatever soakables we could and blocked the doors, and got the shop vac out to suck out all the wett-age. We also had to borrow the shop vac from our upstairs neighbor (GALLONS, I SAY, GALLONS). Well, the flood is gone, and it smells a little musty, but it was quite a sight having all of us with our pants rolled up around our knees, barefoot, scooping water into the bathroom sinks. We have two large, curving staircases leading to an upstairs administration area, so the whole thing felt like the Titanic, but without tuxedoes.
I'm not a big christmas or new year celebrator by any means. But last night I got the coolest christmas present...a handheld sewing machine!!! Yeah, boyeeeee!!! Seriously, this is one cool machine (if it doesn't break by tomorrow). Dude, I'm gonna start hemming my pants tonight, for real! You see, for smaller guys like me, we can't get pants the right length, so we walk around dragging our cuffs around. I'm going to be one sew-happy mother f*cker!!!
Friday, December 13, 2002
Bed Style
My hair is pretty much like the way it was when I was in high school, maybe a bit shorter (except for that experimental long hair phase in college--ugh--thick, nice hair does not always transition well into thick, long hair). But by some wierd pillow miracle, I woke up this morning and it looked like the way I styled it when I was a junior in high school: parted on the right and spikey on the parted side. Kinda like a pseudo Thompson Twins/Flock of Seagulls/new wave look. Which would look cool for a party or something, but in any other situation (like going to Morning Job), would look like I just woke up.
My hair is pretty much like the way it was when I was in high school, maybe a bit shorter (except for that experimental long hair phase in college--ugh--thick, nice hair does not always transition well into thick, long hair). But by some wierd pillow miracle, I woke up this morning and it looked like the way I styled it when I was a junior in high school: parted on the right and spikey on the parted side. Kinda like a pseudo Thompson Twins/Flock of Seagulls/new wave look. Which would look cool for a party or something, but in any other situation (like going to Morning Job), would look like I just woke up.
Thursday, December 12, 2002
I don't mind people quoting lines from movies. That's cool. What I do mind is people who quote either complete monologues or whole sections of dialogue from movies (the quote-er taking both roles). Look, if your quote is longer than 10 seconds, you are taking too long, and you are falling farther into the geek pit.
Monday, December 09, 2002
Sunday, December 08, 2002
Wednesday, December 04, 2002
Just a random thought during the holiday travel season...
Just a tip...I know you can't talk about or even joke about bombs when you're in the airport. BUT, what if you have a lot of lip BALM? What then? You can't say "I've got some balms in my bag" now, can you? You'd be in trouble. So don't. Just call it ChapStick or Blistex or whatever. I've probably saved you from a full body cavity search (although some of you...forget it). You can thank me later. You love me, just admit it.
P.S.
Yes, I'm bored.
P.P.S.
Yes, I know I’m weird.
Just a tip...I know you can't talk about or even joke about bombs when you're in the airport. BUT, what if you have a lot of lip BALM? What then? You can't say "I've got some balms in my bag" now, can you? You'd be in trouble. So don't. Just call it ChapStick or Blistex or whatever. I've probably saved you from a full body cavity search (although some of you...forget it). You can thank me later. You love me, just admit it.
P.S.
Yes, I'm bored.
P.P.S.
Yes, I know I’m weird.
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