Please explain why you know how to hypnotize a chicken, Kennedy
OK. You see, when I was in the Boy Scouts (yeah I was a Boy Scout - to this day, I always have a flashlight with me) some friends taught me how to hypnotize lizards. I'd forgotten that I had that skill until a few years ago. So, out of curiosity, I tried to look it up on the internet, but the only thing I found was about chicken hypnosis, and how it was similar to lizard hypnosis (I guess because their brains are similar). So I thought, "Cool! I can hypnotize both lizards AND chickens! Woo-hoo!"

Anyway, I don't tell people about that particular talent because usually it's at that point when they think I've lost my marbles. And it's pretty hard to prove it because (unlike the Philippines) lizards and chickens are hard to find in L.A., especially when you really, really need one. I'm eagerly waiting for the day when someone will say "Well, I just happen to have a chicken right here! Now let's see it, mister smarty pants!"

Now, if you really, REALLY think about it, it is one of the most useless skills in the known universe. I mean, I don't think there was ever a need for lizards or chickens to not move for several minutes. I don't think it is a skill that was ever in demand at any point in time historically, or, most likely, EVER.