It's Working!

My website (http://www.imjustaguy.com) is finally working again! Hooray! Hooray for me!

Look, people, it's really, really simple.

I have three rules if you are coming over to my apartment, and they are not very difficult.

1) No smoking.
2) Please keep the noise down if it's after 11pm.
3) You must walk around wearing nothing but your underwear.

Really, people, it's not brain surgery.

TODAY'S DEEP INSTANT MESSAGE CONVERSATION WITH MY BROTHER

ME: Hey.
BRO: Hey
BRO: Are you at work?
ME: Yeah.
BRO: I have to go to the store with Patricia. But I'll be back.
ME: Okay.

The end. And remember, folks, brevity is the soul of wit.

What the world needs now is a little more love

I think there are too many assholes in really important positions (running major corporations, governments, etc.). I propose that all the dickwads who are in charge of really important shit should wake up every morning and tell themselves "today I will be less of an asshole than yesterday."

If this happens, and they actually act upon it, then it is quite conceivable that within several months, someone will give me a hundred million dollars out of the goodness of their hearts.

And I will take that money and buy a small island in the south Pacific where I will build a fortress and surround it with land mines and trip wires and a moat filled with sharks.

I need to get out of L.A.

But I have rehearsals all weekend.

I don't care.

See ya.

If there is a God...

...she would make L.A. and Seattle a 10-minute drive.

Last night I was so tired I had a dream about going to bed.

P.S.
I met a girl. Hee hee!

P.P.S.
Maybe we should use technology to cure cancer instead of this bullshit.

P.P.P.S.
Almost every muscle in my body is sore.

I woke up an hour earlier today. 30 seconds after I got into the shower, the hot water stopped. And it never returned.

I have a really heavy schedule today, so now everyone has to be nice to me forever.

I just made a grilled cheese sandwich on my ironing board with an iron! I feel so B3nny and J00n!

And, on a similar note, I want to make a t-shirt that says "Eat carbs, you narcississtic fucks!"

Today's random thoughts

I don't have sideburns. I just have a couple of stray hairs clinging to the side of my face.

The pon farr is getting so bad, I can't even read a headline without going kinda loony.

You know, if my life doesn't pan out the way I planned, I can always go back to school and learn how to become an emperor. It's never too late to get an education, or to become an emperor of someplace.

Pon Farr invades my websurfing

I must apologize ahead of time, but I am experiencing pon farr. I'm also anticipating the upcoming election, therfore I like this site. A lot. By the way, I have taken the pledge.

And, thanks to my friend's website, I have found this innocent, yet pon farr-ish-ly titled poem, which, on its own, is an innocent little ditty, but through the pon farr filter, it can drive one crazy.

I am all alone at the Morning Job®. Let my N@ked D@nce begin!!!

Today's poll brought to you by My Boredom®

1. Which sounds funnier:
A) ballsack
B) nutsack

2. Which is a better retort:
A) Does the Pope shit in the woods?
B) Is a bear catholic?
C) When monkeys fly out of my butt.
D) Your mom.

3. What is my problem?
A) Lack of vitamins
B) Your head is up your butt
C) Lack of butt vitamins
D) You rely on the word "butt" too much

4. How do you pronounce the shortened version of "brassiere"?
A) bra
B) brar

5. What have you been up to?
A) Not much
B) Your mom

6. Monkeys have flown out of my butt. What does this mean?
A) The apocalypse is upon us.
B) It is flying butt monkey migration season.
C) Nothing. It is absolutely normal.

Please post your replies along with your pin numbers and email passwords.

OK, after some tinkering,

ANYONE CAN POST A COMMENT NOW! HOORAY! HIP HIP HOOORAY! PLEASE COMMENT! COMMENT ON ANYTHING! PLEASE! MY LIFE IS EMPTY AND MEANINGLESS UNLESS YOU GOOD FOLKS COMMENT ON MY BLOG! I'M SERIOUS! I WAS JUST ABOUT TO JUMP OFF A BRIDGE JUST NOW!!!

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE COMMENT!!!!!

PLEASE!!! IF YOU HAVE ANY DECENCY AT ALL! PLEASE COMMENT!

thank you.

Does anyone still buy Bit O' Honey candy anymore?

The whole country is so insecure right now

Don't be surprised when Homel@nd Security issues a warning that terrorists are planning to attatch a bomb to your nutsack.

I'm all alone at the Morning Job®! I'm all alone at the Morning Job®! And I'll be ALL ALONE all next week! You know what that means, right? Lots of walking around the office naked and watching 0prah and Spr!nger!!!

My Afternoon Job® gives me a health plan, but they don't have dental. So I have my own dental plan.

It's called "Don't Eat Too Much Candy"®.

Right now I'm watching "L0st W0rld: Jur@ssic P@rk."

Vince Vaughn runs like a girl.

So I went to the grocery store today. In my basket I got some soy milk, cookies, frozen pizza, and 2 pints of Ben & Jerry's Phish Phood ice cream. If my shopping basket could talk, it would scream "I'M SPENDING LABOR DAY ALONE!!"

I should have bought a watermelon. That way it would have looked like I at least was going on a picnic.

Today's Instant Message Conversation

Me: I'd go to a secluded island as long as there was access to Ben & Jerry's ice cream.
Me: Oh, and hot babes.
Mag: hahaha. no ben and jerry's in molokai, i'm sorry to say.
and no hot babes, either
Me: Well, that secluded island sucks.
Me: I would also need a supervillain lair.
Me: And a small army.
Mag: i think they have that tho
Mag: i *think*
Me: And escape space pod.
Me: And a good deli.
Me: OK, maybe not the escape pod.
Mag: ok, that sounds like fiji
Mag: you must be thinking of fiji
Me: Ah. Well, I'm off to Fiji, then.
Me: Fiji, Fiji, Fiji.
Me: Yup. sounds like my kind of secluded island.
Mag: good black and white cookies and pastrami in fiji
Me: Ah. but is it secluded?
Me: Like, could I run around in a loincloth and warpaint and not get strange looks?
Me: Cuz I'm thinking "Lord of the Flies" secluded.
Me: With a deli.
Mag: auckland, perhaps?
Me: New Zealand's too big.
Me: I want an island where I can pretend I'm the emperor.
Me: A loin cloth-wearing emperor.
Me: Who likes cake and ice cream.
Me: And good deli subs.
Mag: hmm...
Mag: kabasares island?
Mag: i think it's located in one hundred islands in the philippines
Mag: in pangasinan
Me; Oh. Really? I thought it was in the Visayas.
Me: I wonder why I didn't think of that one.
Mag: no ben and jerrys
Me: Right

I've CHANGED MY BLOG TEMPLATE, BUT...
Unfortunately, I think ALL of the past comments HAVE BEEN LOST. I AM SORRY. I AM VERY, VERY, SORRY! So, just repost a bunch of shit now, OK?