Define oxymoron...

I saw this on the freeway in L.A. earlier this month. Yeah, if it's CLEAN, it wouldn't be called DIRT, now, would it?

I'm sure there's some industrial reason this is called "clean dirt", but as an average citizen, this sign looks retarded.

Just wonderin...

I'm wondering if the fabric of space and time has a thread count.

Moving?

If you have a dog or cat and want to move into a building that doesn't allow pets, just dress it up in human clothes and tell the landlord that it's your child. If they say "That's not a child, that's a cat," just get insulted and say "Are you saying my child is ugly?"

It works.

Trust me, it works.

This is late but I don't care.

I am slightly stupid and very bored. So here's my thing:

Welcome to ASK A ZOMBIE, where we ask a zombie, well, questions. And he, um, answers them.

What do zombies eat?
BRAAAAAAIIIIINS!

What do you use to lock up your bike?
CHAAAAAAIIIIINS!

What part of the sink does water exit through?
DRAAAAAAIIIIINS!

What's your favorite bird?
CRAAAAANNNNES!

What's that all over your shirt?
STAAAAAAIIIIINNNNNS!

What vehicle flies in the air?
PLAAAAAANES!

What vehicle runs on tracks?
TRAAAAAAIIIIINS!

What are wheat, barley and rice?
GRAAAAAAIIIIINS!

What is your favorite fruit?
CANTALOUPE!

Thank you, mister zombie. See you next time!

The magic ipod-8-ball?

When I listen to the songs on my ipod's "shuffle" mode, it feels like my ipod is trying to tell me something. Anyone else? Anyone? Just me? Anyone?

What is wrong with me?

I'm alone at the morning job. All alone.

And I'm still wearing my pants.

My tremendous following

I wouldn't say that I have an actual "fan base."

It's more of a "Hey, it's that guy" base.

The law

This is from a writer named Heather Adler. She wrote about not doing stupid things from movies. This is my favorite line...

"...you cannot actually defy gravity. You're Sir Isaac Newton's bitch, just like the rest of us."

Yes. We are all Sir Isaac Newton's bitches.

Where'd it go?

It's been one of those days where I have to stop and say, "Wait a second, you mean I ate ALL the kettle corn?!?"