Wow.
*sigh*
Just...wow.

She is made of math and equations and numbers, formulas and angles. She cries in her sleep and sings with a child's voice. She sits on tree branches and watches me from afar. I can see her out of the corner of my eye, but when I look at her, she dissappears. Maybe someday I'll give her a recipie.

We'd be in trouble if monkeys actually did fly out of my butt.

The other night, as I was driving to the grocery store, I saw a car that had not one, but TWO dogs in the back seat sticking their heads out of the same window. The back door's window was open just enough to let them stick their heads out. Now, one dog head sticking out of a car window is cute enough. But TWO dog heads? Man, I was screaming from the utter cuteness.

The only things you can do if your girlfriend is puking into a toilet is hold their hair or rub their back. There's nothing much else you can do. Maybe you can hum something.

I recall a friend who commented that the perfect breast can fit in a champagne glass. I agree. Unless he meant champagne FLUTE, which is something different altogether.

I love going to the doctor, because that's the only place where I can read "Highlights for Children."

War is not the answer. Unless you are on a game show, and the question is "Which band sang the song 'Low Rider'?" Then, of course, War would be the only correct answer.

P.S.
My shoulder hurts.