Holiday thoughts

Spending time with the family during the holidays is a good way to realize you are a normal, everyday person.

A normal, everyday person with a lot of gas.

Excuse me.

United Steaks

 
OK, this is real. This is not fake. Wednesday night, my GIRLFRIEND and I (there, I said it! Satisfied?) were making dinner, and I noticed that my steak looked JUST LIKE the United States of America (sans Florida, but I tried to make a Florida out of sauteed mushrooms).

Can you see it? Please tell me you can see it. I'm not crazy, you know. 

Tiny Tree!

 
This is the BEST holiday thing I've ever seen. Ever. In the history of holiday things, this is the best. I saw it in the parking lot of the Arclight in Hollywood.

It's a TINY FAKE CHRISTMAS TREE TIED TO THE ROOF OF A V0LKSWAGEN B33TL3! 

Today's favorite quote

I got this from my friend Ebbie today.

"I have such stupid luck.... I'm not sayin' its bad luck, just stupid.
I want to turn into a butterfly and fly away.... but then I'd get about a quarter mile and a crow would eat me."

Spelling, please!

Dear everyone in the English Speaking World:

Please learn how to spell "definitely," or I will definitely kick you in the balls.

Today's random question

When you were a little kid, were you a no-shirt kid, a no-pants kid, a no-shoes kid, a combination of two, or a nudie kid?

When I was little, I ran around barefoot and in my underpants. These days, when I'm at my mom's house, I keep my pants on, but she always bugs me to wear slippers.

Anyone else care to share?

Two things.

1. I'm the King of Bad Timing®
2. I almost always get what I want, but almost never in the needed quantities.

Just an observation

Boy, that S@dd@m Husse!n can get a little testy, don'tcha think?

Titles

OK, I think I've found it. The title of my autobiographical one-man show will be "Seriously, I'm not insecure, I'm just not that talented."

Just a tip

At a job interview, when asked a question, don't start your answers with "Listen, bitch..."

Yup. I'm here to help.

I'm weird.

Is it strange that my knee-jerk reaction to anything is to actually jerk my knee?

Damn robots.

Oh, they're cute now. But just you wait until one of them has a bad program and decides to kill its human masters. How cute are they now, huh?

Check this out ---->***CLICK HERE***<---

Don't piss me off

OK, world. I've said this before, and I reiterate - LEARN HOW TO SPELL "DEFINITELY"! IT IS NOT SPELLED "DEFINATELY", YOU RETARDS!!!

And again...

The pon farr is back, folks.

Yeah.

Plague

What's next? Fish flu?

Another phone blog from me.

Another phone blog from me. cuz i'm bored.

I've said it before...

...and I'll say it again.

I've heard people say things like "Have you tasted that cake? It's better than sex!"

You know what? It's NOT. Not possible at all. You know why? Because NOTHING is better than sex. Oh, wait, there is one thing...MORE SEX.

If you think a dessert is better than sex, you have a terrible sex life.

I have tasted some pretty damn good desserts, but I have NEVER tasted a dessert and thought, "Man, this is so good, I'm going to stop fucking."

Today's IM conversation

This makes no sense. Not even to me. And I started it.

Remember, I was at work when this happened.

M: hi kennedy
kabasares: So, like, dude.
Kabasares: It's totally, like, you know.
Kabasares: And shit like that.
M: totally
kabasares: Yeah. You know it.
Kabasares: Sometimes I'm all, "Dude,"
Kabasares: but sometimes I'm like "duuuuuuude."
Kabasares: Knowwhutimean?
M: nahmean, dood
Kabasares: Sometimes I'm all "Dude? C'mon, dude!"
M: sweeeet
Kabasares: werd.
Kabasares: Sometimes I'm all "Whatever," but sometimes I'm like "fuck yeah!"
M: boo yeah!!
Kabasares: It's so fuckin punk rock.
M: rock on

This is why I am not a rap artist.

Good evening, y'all.
I'd like everyone to put their hands in the air.
Great.
Now, I'd like everyone to wave them, as if they did not care.
OK?
Wave them, as I am doing now, OK?
Could everyone please holler?
Good.

American Ingenuity

Leave it to Americans to make the road to alcoholism faster and more efficient.

http://turbotap.com/Products/

Their slogan should read "For people who can't get drunk fast enough."

I'm a dork

I'm a dork, and it has EVERYTHING to do with me forgetting to set my VCR.

A brief political message

My name is Kennedy Kabasares, and I approve that ass.

My first phone blog

i'm such a gadget geek.

Believe it

D@ve N@varro has a great song called "Rex@ll." In it, he sings a line that says "I want the life you think I have."

That's me in a nutshell.

Once again...

No. I can’t believe it.

No, stop trying to convince me.

OK, you’re telling me that this is NOT butter, right? Well, you know what? BULLSHIT.

No, I will not calm down! You’re just going to sit there, look me in the eye and tell me that this rich, creamy substance is NOT butter? Well, then, FUCK YOU.

DON’T TELL ME TO SHUT UP!

Bitch, look at my English muffin! What is that melting on top of it? No, it is NOT a “butter-flavored vegetable oil spread,” you fucking jackhole! It is BUTTER. NO, I WILL NOT CALM DOWN! YOU CALM DOWN!

No, fuck that! You can go home to your shitty fucking margarine, or whatever the fuck you put on your corn-on-the-cob, but I am eating BUTTER.

Motherfucker, you wanna die? Bitch, you wanna step, cuz I’ll fucking step right now. THIS IS BUTTER. And if you tell me one more time, I’m gonna fucking stab you in the kidney.

Go ahead, tell me it's not butter. Go ahead, motherfucker, try me!

No, fuck our friendship! I WILL NOT TAKE IT EASY! This is fucking BUTTER, and if you fucking tell me it’s NOT, I will not hesitate to KICK YOUR DICK OFF!

One guy...

Thanks, TM, for giving me a "K." You rock.

The rest of y'all can kiss it.

WHO'S A SEXY MOTHERF***ER?

Oh, and another thing...

She bought me a toothbrush to keep in her bathroom.

Yeah.

It's like that.

C'mon, guys!

OK, two days ago I requested a "K." So far, no one has given me one.

GIMME A "K"!

A rule

No one is allowed to break my heart. For at least 50 years. And if you do, well, then...um...shame on you.

Signs of something

Wow. You know what? Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. Who woulda thunk it?

I think you really like someone when you think to yourself "Hmm, what can I build for her?"

Oh, dear...

So, T0m Cru!se and K@tie H0lmes are pregnant.

Oh, did you hear that noise? That was a sound of a monkey flying out of my butt.

I have weird conversations with my family

Today's phone call with my parents:

Dad: Hi, Ken.
Me: Hi, Dad.
Dad: I just got out of the hospital today.
Me: Great! How are you doing?
Dad: Fine. Your mom wants to talk to you.
(hands phone to Mom)
Mom: Hi, Kyle. I mean, Ken.
Me: Hi, Mom.
Mom Your dad just got out of the hospital today.
Dad: I know. How is he doing?
Mom: Good.
Me: I want L@sik surgery someday.
Mom: Yeah, me too.
Me: Okay, bye.
Mom: Bye.

That time of the month?

Bills are just a monthly reminder of how fucking poor I am.

OK, just to keep you updated.

So, like, there's this woman that I've been seeing for a little bit now. And I'm pretty darn close to proclaiming that she kicks ALL POSSIBLE ASS!

Just wait.

Just a friendly reminder for the guys

Remember, guys, brownie points are NOT cumulative. They are reset to zero at the start of every day.

Basically, what I'm saying is, guys, when it comes to dating, don't be a dickweed. EVER.

For the next five seconds I'm gonna act all teenager-like.

I LIKE A GIRL! AND SHE LIKES ME!!! WOO-HOO!!

OK, thanks. Get back to work.

It's scientific.

When P. D!ddy released the "P." from his name, it floated around freely, until it found itself attached to mine. I think it has to do with atoms or something. Now people have to call me P. Kennedy.

Shit.

Um, hi.

I had a late dinner with her tonight. She looked really good. Wow, I think I really, REALLY like her. So much that I'm starting to feel just goofy. It's been a while since I liked someone like this. She's really cool. I really, really like her.

OK, all of a sudden I feel like I'm in junior high school again. I gotta get some sleep.

Just spreading it around.

You are beautiful.

I mean that.

I am not drunk.

Love,
Kennedy

Send good thoughts.

I drove out of New Orleans several hours before they made the announcement that the hurricane was headed for the city. I consider myself lucky.

To all my new friends, Lisa, Khem, Debbie, Striper and Bill, I hope you are all right.

Is this weird?

I can totally relate to the N!ckleback song, "Figured you out."

Seriously, is he even 21?

Tonight was an unintentional wacky, bar-hopping night. I didn't plan it that way, but that's what happened. Regardless, I got a better picture of Striper at Lucky's bar.
Posted by Picasa

Did they check his I.D.?

This is Stripes. He lives at Lucky's bar in New Orleans. Here he is eating chicken nuggets and drinking milk out of a martini glass. He is cute. I will get a better photo of him tomorrow. 

Me driving through a Louisiana swamp. 

For big dogs.

The 3rd largest fire hydrant in the US is in Beaumont, Texas. I don't know where the other two are, nor do I have the time to drive there. I'd be more impressed if it actually worked as a fire hydrant. 

More bats!

These were over my head! By the way, they don't sound anything like they do in the B@tman movies. They're rather quiet and polite. One even said "good evening." 

Bats!

Bats flying over Austin, Texas 8/21/05. They flew by my hotel! Click photo for a bigger picture. 

It's only appropriate.

I must be in Texas, because last night I almost got run over by a horse. In the middle of the street. Not kidding.

Goin' south

First of all: I LOVE VACATIONS! I should take one every month.

On the plane to Austin, I was seated at the window, and an older gentleman was on the aisle. This was before we took off. We were sitting there, he was on his cell phone (we weren't moving yet), and two very beautiful women got on. He tapped me on the shoulder (still on the phone) and said "We want the blonde to sit next to us!" I smiled and nodded my head.

As I looked out the window, I heard him say "May I speak to (such and such)? Yes, this is Senator (name here)." I thought he was joking at first, but then I heard him say things like "let's wait for the Supreme Court" and "Lieutenant Governor." And I saw his windbreaker had a State Seal and his name, "Senator (so and so)."

Dude, I sat next to a state senator from a large, I-will-not-name state, and he was being all dirty old man! And then I thought, "why is he sitting in coach while that tattooed rock dude gets to sit in first class?"

From Reuters

I don't know what's funnier - the guy wandering around in diapers, or the police's comment at the end of the article...

*****
Police seek diaper-clad man who pesters women

UK police said Monday they were searching for a man wearing just a diaper, who approaches women late at night and asks: "Are there any baby changing facilities around here?"

Cleveland police in northeast England said the latest incident occurred around 11 p.m. Sunday when he surprised a women walking her dog in a play area in Eaglescliffe, near Middlesbrough.

Police said no one had been assaulted by the man but described his behavior as bizarre and a cause for concern.

"There have been several reports of him having been seen in Eaglescliffe dressed only in a nappy and we are keen to trace him and speak to him," police said.
*****

"we are keen to trace him and speak to him"? What the hell is that? Are they planning to sit down and have tea at a cafe with him?

OK, check this out...

I live in a studio apartment. A small studio apartment. I don't have much stuff. YET, I manage to lose stuff in my apartment ALL THE TIME. How the hell do you lose something in a studio apartment? That's like losing something in a shoe box!

What I'd like.

Just like the C0ke commercial, I too would like to teach the world to chill. But I'd also like to teach it to give me lots of money. And a hamburger now and then.

Oh, my god, TEE HEE and all that...

Yeah. Yes. I am so very giddy right now, right at this very moment. All because of a grrrrrl. Well, woman, actually. She's so not a grrrrrl. She is, however, very much a woman. A woman I am all giddy over. Yes. Very giddy. So tee hee and all. Tee hee indeed. Tee motherfucking hee.

Tee hee part 2.

I'm all giddy again. And I think you know why. =)

A theme

I think I found something in common with all my ex-girlfriends: none of them could really dance.

Good thing I'm not with them anymore.

This is not productive.

OK, this is pretty bad. My vacation is still a month a way, but mentally I'm already taking it.

I always root for the underdog. Unless the underdog is a total asshole. In that case, fuck the underdog.

Stupid underdog.

Once again, I am a geek.

I love G00gle Earth. I can spend the rest of my life playing with that thing.

http://earth.google.com

Tee hee!

Yeah. I'm all giddy today. Giddy in a giggly, singing, silly way. And I can only attribute it to a certain girl I'm thinking of. Yeah. The one I posted about recently. Her. I dig her.

Tee hee.

You know it's getting bad...

Yeah, the Pon Farr is working me really good this time around. Last night I was watching a N@tional Geogr@phic special on TV, and event he scientific lingo got me all hot and bothered. Ooooh, photosynthesis!

This is interesting

I think I like this girl. She's really sweet. I went out with her earlier tonight. I think I like her. Hmm.

Chick magnet?

Look, I own and use an ice cre@m m@ker. I use it frequently. That fact ALONE should give me points on the dating scale.

Today's IM conversation with my friend Ryan

me: Hey, Ryan...
ryan: yo
me: EARTHQUAKE!!!!
me: AAAAAHHHHH!!!
me: PANIC, EVERYONE!!! PANIC!!!
ryan: AAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
me: RUN AND SCREAM AND WAVE YOUR ARMS IN THE AIR!!!
ryan: I'm RUUUNNNINGGG ALL OOOOVVVEERR THHEEE PLLAAACCEEE!!!!
me: AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
ryan: I'mMMMMM UUNNDDDEERRRR TTHHEE TTAAAABBBLLLEE!!!
me: hahaha!
ryan: hehe!
me: GET UNDER A DOORWAY!!!!
me: Whew, that was fun.
ryan: I can't! It's next to a glass window!
ryan: I'm SCREEWWEEDD!
me: AAAAGGGGHHHHHH!!!!
me: OH NO, MY FINE CHINA COLLECTION!!!!
ryan: SHUT OFF THE GASS MAIN!!
ryan: WHERE IS THAT DANG WRENCH I WAS SUPPOSED TO LEAVE BY THE SHUT OFF VALVE!!
ryan: i know my earthquake safety 101
me: Wow. You're pretty prepared.
me: Do you remember which direction the valve is supposed to be?
ryan: If the " - " of the valve is parallel to the pipe, the it's open. If the " - " is perpendicular to the pipe, it's closed.
ryan: any other questions?
me: No, thank you for the information.
ryan: any time.
ryan: hey kennedy
me: Yes?
ryan: EARTHQUAKE!!!!
me: AAAAAGGHHH!!!!
me: I'M RUNNING IN A PANIC!!!!!
ryan: AAAAAAAHHHAHHHAAHAHHGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!
ryan: MY HANDS ARE FLAILING AROUND!!!
me: I'M CURLING INTO A FETAL POSITION AND CRYING!!!!
ryan: I'm CALL ING OUT FOR MY MOMMY
me: hahaha
ryan: hehehe!
me: Damn, that's fun.
ryan: no kidding

I hate this shit. So here.

(Kennedy's comments in brackets)

OK, here's what you are supposed to do . . . and try not to be LAME and spoil the fun! [fuck off]

Copy (not forward) this entire e-mail and paste it into a new e-mail that you can send. [suck it]

Change all of the answers so that they apply to you. Then, send this to a whole bunch of people you know INCLUDING the person who sent it to you. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little known facts about your friends. [Oh, yeah? I'm gonna disprove that right now, punkass.]

It is fun and easy. [it is neither]

Remember to send it back to the person who sent it to you. [sigh]


1.What color pants are you wearing?
I'm naked.

2 - What are you listening to right now?
The agonized screams of my torture victim.

3-Soup or salad?
Salad.

4 - What was the last thing you ate?
Your mom.

5 - If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Is "fuck you" a color?

6 - Weather right now?
Stick your head out the window and figure it out, foo'!

7 - Last person that you talked to on the phone?
Parole officer.

8 - Do you like the person who sent you this?
No comment.

9 - How are you today?
Yesterday I was in a homicidal rage, but today I am in a murderous rage.

10- Favorite drink?
The blood of the innocent.

Whatever happened to questions 11 and 12?
Never you mind. Let's just say they won't be bothering me anymore.

13- Hair color?
Black. Like my soul.

14- Eye color?
Brown. But they shoot flames.

5- Do you wear contacts?
I do not wear your puny, human occular enhancements. They make my eyes itchy.

16- Siblings?
Suck it.

17- Favorite food?
Your mom.

18- Last movie you watched?
Lords of Dogtown. With your mom.

19- Favorite day of the year?
Valentine's Day...no, I mean...um...Satan Day! Yeah, Satan Day! What? Fuck you!

20- Are you too shy to ask someone out?
Not when it comes to your mom.

21- Summer or Winter?
There are no seasons in Hell. But you should always wear layers, just in case.

22- Relationship or single?
Your mom and I have an "open relationship."

23- Chocolate or vanilla?
Chonilla.

24- Do you want your friends to write back?
Do you want to live?

25- Who is most likely to respond?
Your mom.

26- Least Likely?
The other guys dating your mom.

27- Living arrangement?
I live in a modest fortress in the woods with my trusty hounds, a shotgun, satellite TV, internet access, and enough supplies to last me several months. It is surrounded by a 10-foot high cement wall with automated machine gun turrets and motion sensors. Anyone who comes within 20 yards of my cabin gets blown up by a landmine. The skulls of those foolish enough to try and reach my cabin are displayed on pikes. Random body parts litter the pathway to my door. It is virtually impossible to enter without my knowing. Many have tried. Many have failed. I've also started growing petunias out back. If you have any fertilizing tips, please e-mail me. P.S. Your mom is in here.

28- What books are you reading?
"All About Your Mom" by Vladimir Nabfuckoff, and "The Idiot's Guide to Leaving Me the Fuck Alone" by Edgar Allen Ifuckinghateyougoddamnbastard.

30- Favorite Board Game?
The one where I get to stab you in the neck.

31- What did you do last night?
Your mom.

32- Favorite scents?
The seared flesh of my enemies. And vanilla.

33- Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
No. Can I touch YOUR nose with my tongue?

34- What inspires you?
That Milkshake song by Kelis.

35- Buttered, Plain, or salted popcorn?
Huh? I'm sorry, I'm still humming that Milkshake song.

36-Favorite car?
"...my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard..."

37- Favorite flower?
"...I could teach you, but I'd have to charge..."

38- How many keys on your key ring?
Five (including your mom's door key).

39- Can you juggle?
Will you get naked first?

40- Who would you hate to be trapped in a room with?
A guy with explosives strapped to his body.

41- Who would you love to be trapped in a room with?
This answer is too easy.

42- 7-up or sprite?
Suck my nuts.

42- Pepsi or coke?
Suck my nuts.

43- Coffee?
Don't make me say it a third time.

44- Favorite perfume?
The one your mom wears.

45- Any last words?
Tell your mom I'll be late tonight.

It will never get better than this.

Yesterday I ate some chocolate flan. I repeat, CHOCOLATE FLAN.

Regular desserts, please prepare your asses for much kicking.

Memorial Day

On this Memorial Day, I would like to thank all those who gave their lives for this country so I may be free to dance around in my apartment in my underwear.

Thank you, and sorry.

This'll make you feel better.

Today I fell off the trapeze bar. I F#*&ING FELL! So if you did something today that made you feel stupid, just remember: I fell off the trapeze bar.

Everything is better now.

I just bought an ice cream maker. You hear what I'm saying? I can MAKE MY OWN FREAKIN ICE CREAM, BEEYATCH!!!

Suck it!

Springtime.
The Pon Farr is getting stronger.
Somebody might get hurt.

Making the hot list

I've found out who finds me hot.

1) Gay men.
2) High school-aged girls.

I'm going to jump off a bridge now.

Over 40...yesssss...

I saw J0an Chen the other night. MAN, is she HOT. She's well over 40 and she's HOT.

How much of a dork?

The other night I saw a cockroach in the kitchen (don't worry, in the four years I've lived here, this is the first cockroach I've seen). Anyways, my first reaction was "Ahh! Kill it!" So I grabbed a knife. OK, let me repeat that: I GRABBED A KNIFE. IN ORDER TO KILL A COCKROACH. A KNIFE.

What the...? Like the roach was going to come at me with a broken bottle or something. I'm standing there in the kitchen holding a knife over my head, ready to stab the shit out of a cockroach.

After about two minutes of standing there in hunter-killer mode, I realized that a magazine would be more effective.

Morning!

Here's one reason why I love living alone: this morning I ate a bowl of cereal completeley naked.

You now have that image burned in your mind. And you will LIKE IT!

Karma works in weird ways

I'm convinced that life is a series of cycles. Because sometimes it feels like I'm in high school all over again.

The romance of L@s Veg@as is lost on me. It just doesn't have it anymore.

But there are two things it still has going for it: DEEP FRIED 0RE0S and DEEP FRIED TW1NKIES!!!

Substitution

Not having a girlfriend is leaving a void in me. And now I am filling that void with candy, cake and ice cream. Which is kind of bad because I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning. And I don't want him taking blood sample and saying "Well, Mr. Kabasares, it seems that your blood is made entirely of corn syrup."

You can thank me later

At the end of my horoscope today, it read "...and if you feel like snuggling, your sweetheart won't mind." And I thought, I DON'T HAVE A SWEETHEART, YOU ASSHOLE!! So I kicked the monitor and my foot went through the glass and it shattered. And then radiation was released. And then aliens came down because they thought it was a signal to destroy the earth. And so they took me into their flying saucer. And I fought them off. And they got scared and flew back to where they came from. So I saved the world.

So, after all that, I think I deserve a sweetheart.

It's not about self-esteem

I've noticed that I've never turned heads before, like some people can. I just don't. Not that I'm an ogre or anything, but I just can't get people to turn heads. I don't think I could turn people's heads even if people's heads could move freely 360 degrees on ball bearings.

My faults

There are two things about me can sometimes be a problem.

1) I'm too nice
2) I sleep too late
3) I'm not good at counting

I'm a good borrower

I really have to return my cousin's DVD of "The Fast and the Fur!ous." Because if I die, I don't want people to look at my video collection and think that I actually liked and bought that movie.

Too much of a good thing?

When it comes to relationships, people say that sometimes it's good to have time to be by yourself, and learn to be happy with yourself, and enjoy being unattached, etc., etc., etc.

I am SO over that. I have spent PLENTY of time by myself now, and I pleased to announce: I am VERY DAMN HAPPY with who I am. I love myself so damn much, I have bruises on my forehead from trying to kiss myself in the mirror. Pretty soon I'm gonna accidentally fall into a lake after staring at my reflection in the water! How fucking happy with myself can I be? I am so over the freaking moon with myself, I can't control it.

Granted, it took me a while to get to this point, but now I'm here. And I've been here for a while. SO NOW WHAT? How long can I stay at this level? I am so incredibly self-actualized, I can be a fucking self-help book! I have proven without a doubt that one can be completely happy without a partner. GREAT! Now, can I MOVE ON? Please? Anyone? Hello?

Snore...

I hate smelling freshly brewed coffee in the morning. If I smell it, then it means that I woke up way too freakin early.

Call me a perfectionist, but...

I hate it when people misspell "definitely" as "definAtely." It just bugs the shit out of me.

OK, go back to whatever you were doing.

Watch your language

Does anyone still use the world "trousers"? Cuz if you do, please stop.

It's 2am

I'm watching this infomercial about hair restoration, and there's this dude who's talking about how happy he is that he's got hair back on his head. And all I can think is "But, dude, now you've got a mullett."

Hotness that transcends time

You know who was freakin hot? Paulette Goddard, that's who. Look her up.

Pon farr and dermatology

First of all, the Pon Farr hit pretty hard this morning. I guess it's probably the cold weather. Maybe it's just nature. Maybe when it's cold, humans tend to want to huddle close and get warm, and maybe people get warmer if they have skin contact, and I mean large areas of uninterrupted skin to contact against your own large area of uninterrupted skin.

But I digress.

Pon Farr doesn't help me right now because I have the most major zit in the middle of my nose. Yes. I'm a freakin' reindeer.

This is by far one of the hugest zits in the history of my nose. I might as well have a horn on the end of my face. This sucker is as huge as Mount Everest, yet everyone around me acts as if it is not there. HOW CAN YOU NOT! IT'S IN THE MIDDLE OF MY FREAKIN FACE! I mean, I went to work and just stared at the computer, hoping no one would need me to, oh, I don't know, FACE THEM to talk. And tonight I went to dinner with a bunch of friends. The restaurant was dark enough so I wasn't that self-conscious, but when we sat in the booth, I sat right next to the BRIGHTEST CANDLE IN THE RESTAURANT BUSINESS. It was situated right below and to the left of my face, which was perfect for highlighting the hugeness of my zit by not only illuminating it, but also by throwing a huge zit-shadow across my head.

I'm going to bed now. I'm gonna have to fish out an extra pillow to support my zit.

newyear

newyear
Originally uploaded by dookyhead.

Happy new year!