I could love it or hate it

So I'm is San Francisco to 1) hang out with my girlfriend, 2) see the parents, and 3) take a static trapeze class with a really cool teacher.

But that's not the point. The point is that after class today (Saturday), my friend and I went to a local cafe to get some food. It was called "Cafe Gratitude," and it was so...well...let me explain.

It was pretty much an organic cafe, which was fine, because I was in a mood for a good salad. The names of all the foods on the menu stared with "I am", like "I am warm," "I am Giving," and "I am Hot Stuff". So, when you order, you tell the waiter. In my case, I got the "I am Dazzling," which is their version of a Caesar salad. So the waiter repeats the order, saying "You are Dazzling." And when the food comes to you, they repeat it again. They're holding a plate and asking "You are Dazzling". And I answered with a hearty "Yes I am!"

And they have inspirational cards on the table with words of wisdom, gratitude, and stuff like that, and there were inspirational paintings on the wall, saying stuff like "Accept your beauty," or something of the kind.

At first, I was kind of making fun of it. I thought, "Damn, I just want to eat."
But I was in a good mood, so I started to really get into this hippy-dippy stuff. It felt kind of good. The waitress asked "So, what are you celebrating about yourself today?" And I just got out of a good workout, so I said "My strength."

There was no attitude with the staff. They seemed genuinely gracious and helpful, and after a while, it kind of rubbed off on me.

Mind you, if I was having a bad day, I would have not hesitated to shoot up the place. With a gun. Wait, if I was having a bad day, I think I'd just avoid that place. But if you are feeling pretty good, that's a pretty decent place to go.

It's so freakin' hot!

It's been inhumanely hot these past few days. Power consumption has risen, and may cause many blackouts. So, instead of turning on your air conditioning or fans or what not, I think everyone should just go naked today. Everyone. Oh, except for that guy over there. See him? Right there. No, not him, the one with the...yeah. That one. He should keep his clothes on.

The things I do

Sometimes I like to put my hands up in the air. ANd then, just for the fuck of it, I wave them like I just don't care. Then, usually, someone comes by and asks me if somethings wrong. So I stop.

Things I'd like to hear Dame Judi Dench say

"I think ass-tard is a perfectly good word, and I feel one should use it quite often. I have a quite a few relatives who are perfect ass-tards."

Travel time

The other day, a female friend was eating a piece of cake. She said "This is going to go straight to my thighs."

I said "Of course it won't. First it makes a pit stop at your ass, and THEN it goes to your thighs."

And then she stabbed me in the kidney.

A list of why my girlfriend is awesome

She doesn't need a list. She just is. And to top it off, she can kick your sorry ass. And your momma's.

P.S.
No, she's never read this blog.

Kid stuff

So, like, remember when you asked a kid what time it was, and they would usually say "half past a monkey's ass, quarter to his balls"?

Now, I wonder, how could it be BOTH half past his ass AND a quarter to his balls? Can you be a little more accurate?

And secondly, WHAT THE HELL KIND OF WATCH IS THAT?!!???