me: Hey, Ryan...
ryan: yo
me: EARTHQUAKE!!!!
me: AAAAAHHHHH!!!
me: PANIC, EVERYONE!!! PANIC!!!
ryan: AAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
me: RUN AND SCREAM AND WAVE YOUR ARMS IN THE AIR!!!
ryan: I'm RUUUNNNINGGG ALL OOOOVVVEERR THHEEE PLLAAACCEEE!!!!
me: AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
ryan: I'mMMMMM UUNNDDDEERRRR TTHHEE TTAAAABBBLLLEE!!!
me: hahaha!
ryan: hehe!
me: GET UNDER A DOORWAY!!!!
me: Whew, that was fun.
ryan: I can't! It's next to a glass window!
ryan: I'm SCREEWWEEDD!
me: AAAAGGGGHHHHHH!!!!
me: OH NO, MY FINE CHINA COLLECTION!!!!
ryan: SHUT OFF THE GASS MAIN!!
ryan: WHERE IS THAT DANG WRENCH I WAS SUPPOSED TO LEAVE BY THE SHUT OFF VALVE!!
ryan: i know my earthquake safety 101
me: Wow. You're pretty prepared.
me: Do you remember which direction the valve is supposed to be?
ryan: If the " - " of the valve is parallel to the pipe, the it's open. If the " - " is perpendicular to the pipe, it's closed.
ryan: any other questions?
me: No, thank you for the information.
ryan: any time.
ryan: hey kennedy
me: Yes?
ryan: EARTHQUAKE!!!!
me: AAAAAGGHHH!!!!
me: I'M RUNNING IN A PANIC!!!!!
ryan: AAAAAAAHHHAHHHAAHAHHGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!
ryan: MY HANDS ARE FLAILING AROUND!!!
me: I'M CURLING INTO A FETAL POSITION AND CRYING!!!!
ryan: I'm CALL ING OUT FOR MY MOMMY
me: hahaha
ryan: hehehe!
me: Damn, that's fun.
ryan: no kidding
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Saturday, June 11, 2005
I hate this shit. So here.
(Kennedy's comments in brackets)
OK, here's what you are supposed to do . . . and try not to be LAME and spoil the fun! [fuck off]
Copy (not forward) this entire e-mail and paste it into a new e-mail that you can send. [suck it]
Change all of the answers so that they apply to you. Then, send this to a whole bunch of people you know INCLUDING the person who sent it to you. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little known facts about your friends. [Oh, yeah? I'm gonna disprove that right now, punkass.]
It is fun and easy. [it is neither]
Remember to send it back to the person who sent it to you. [sigh]
1.What color pants are you wearing?
I'm naked.
2 - What are you listening to right now?
The agonized screams of my torture victim.
3-Soup or salad?
Salad.
4 - What was the last thing you ate?
Your mom.
5 - If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Is "fuck you" a color?
6 - Weather right now?
Stick your head out the window and figure it out, foo'!
7 - Last person that you talked to on the phone?
Parole officer.
8 - Do you like the person who sent you this?
No comment.
9 - How are you today?
Yesterday I was in a homicidal rage, but today I am in a murderous rage.
10- Favorite drink?
The blood of the innocent.
Whatever happened to questions 11 and 12?
Never you mind. Let's just say they won't be bothering me anymore.
13- Hair color?
Black. Like my soul.
14- Eye color?
Brown. But they shoot flames.
5- Do you wear contacts?
I do not wear your puny, human occular enhancements. They make my eyes itchy.
16- Siblings?
Suck it.
17- Favorite food?
Your mom.
18- Last movie you watched?
Lords of Dogtown. With your mom.
19- Favorite day of the year?
Valentine's Day...no, I mean...um...Satan Day! Yeah, Satan Day! What? Fuck you!
20- Are you too shy to ask someone out?
Not when it comes to your mom.
21- Summer or Winter?
There are no seasons in Hell. But you should always wear layers, just in case.
22- Relationship or single?
Your mom and I have an "open relationship."
23- Chocolate or vanilla?
Chonilla.
24- Do you want your friends to write back?
Do you want to live?
25- Who is most likely to respond?
Your mom.
26- Least Likely?
The other guys dating your mom.
27- Living arrangement?
I live in a modest fortress in the woods with my trusty hounds, a shotgun, satellite TV, internet access, and enough supplies to last me several months. It is surrounded by a 10-foot high cement wall with automated machine gun turrets and motion sensors. Anyone who comes within 20 yards of my cabin gets blown up by a landmine. The skulls of those foolish enough to try and reach my cabin are displayed on pikes. Random body parts litter the pathway to my door. It is virtually impossible to enter without my knowing. Many have tried. Many have failed. I've also started growing petunias out back. If you have any fertilizing tips, please e-mail me. P.S. Your mom is in here.
28- What books are you reading?
"All About Your Mom" by Vladimir Nabfuckoff, and "The Idiot's Guide to Leaving Me the Fuck Alone" by Edgar Allen Ifuckinghateyougoddamnbastard.
30- Favorite Board Game?
The one where I get to stab you in the neck.
31- What did you do last night?
Your mom.
32- Favorite scents?
The seared flesh of my enemies. And vanilla.
33- Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
No. Can I touch YOUR nose with my tongue?
34- What inspires you?
That Milkshake song by Kelis.
35- Buttered, Plain, or salted popcorn?
Huh? I'm sorry, I'm still humming that Milkshake song.
36-Favorite car?
"...my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard..."
37- Favorite flower?
"...I could teach you, but I'd have to charge..."
38- How many keys on your key ring?
Five (including your mom's door key).
39- Can you juggle?
Will you get naked first?
40- Who would you hate to be trapped in a room with?
A guy with explosives strapped to his body.
41- Who would you love to be trapped in a room with?
This answer is too easy.
42- 7-up or sprite?
Suck my nuts.
42- Pepsi or coke?
Suck my nuts.
43- Coffee?
Don't make me say it a third time.
44- Favorite perfume?
The one your mom wears.
45- Any last words?
Tell your mom I'll be late tonight.
OK, here's what you are supposed to do . . . and try not to be LAME and spoil the fun! [fuck off]
Copy (not forward) this entire e-mail and paste it into a new e-mail that you can send. [suck it]
Change all of the answers so that they apply to you. Then, send this to a whole bunch of people you know INCLUDING the person who sent it to you. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little known facts about your friends. [Oh, yeah? I'm gonna disprove that right now, punkass.]
It is fun and easy. [it is neither]
Remember to send it back to the person who sent it to you. [sigh]
1.What color pants are you wearing?
I'm naked.
2 - What are you listening to right now?
The agonized screams of my torture victim.
3-Soup or salad?
Salad.
4 - What was the last thing you ate?
Your mom.
5 - If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Is "fuck you" a color?
6 - Weather right now?
Stick your head out the window and figure it out, foo'!
7 - Last person that you talked to on the phone?
Parole officer.
8 - Do you like the person who sent you this?
No comment.
9 - How are you today?
Yesterday I was in a homicidal rage, but today I am in a murderous rage.
10- Favorite drink?
The blood of the innocent.
Whatever happened to questions 11 and 12?
Never you mind. Let's just say they won't be bothering me anymore.
13- Hair color?
Black. Like my soul.
14- Eye color?
Brown. But they shoot flames.
5- Do you wear contacts?
I do not wear your puny, human occular enhancements. They make my eyes itchy.
16- Siblings?
Suck it.
17- Favorite food?
Your mom.
18- Last movie you watched?
Lords of Dogtown. With your mom.
19- Favorite day of the year?
Valentine's Day...no, I mean...um...Satan Day! Yeah, Satan Day! What? Fuck you!
20- Are you too shy to ask someone out?
Not when it comes to your mom.
21- Summer or Winter?
There are no seasons in Hell. But you should always wear layers, just in case.
22- Relationship or single?
Your mom and I have an "open relationship."
23- Chocolate or vanilla?
Chonilla.
24- Do you want your friends to write back?
Do you want to live?
25- Who is most likely to respond?
Your mom.
26- Least Likely?
The other guys dating your mom.
27- Living arrangement?
I live in a modest fortress in the woods with my trusty hounds, a shotgun, satellite TV, internet access, and enough supplies to last me several months. It is surrounded by a 10-foot high cement wall with automated machine gun turrets and motion sensors. Anyone who comes within 20 yards of my cabin gets blown up by a landmine. The skulls of those foolish enough to try and reach my cabin are displayed on pikes. Random body parts litter the pathway to my door. It is virtually impossible to enter without my knowing. Many have tried. Many have failed. I've also started growing petunias out back. If you have any fertilizing tips, please e-mail me. P.S. Your mom is in here.
28- What books are you reading?
"All About Your Mom" by Vladimir Nabfuckoff, and "The Idiot's Guide to Leaving Me the Fuck Alone" by Edgar Allen Ifuckinghateyougoddamnbastard.
30- Favorite Board Game?
The one where I get to stab you in the neck.
31- What did you do last night?
Your mom.
32- Favorite scents?
The seared flesh of my enemies. And vanilla.
33- Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
No. Can I touch YOUR nose with my tongue?
34- What inspires you?
That Milkshake song by Kelis.
35- Buttered, Plain, or salted popcorn?
Huh? I'm sorry, I'm still humming that Milkshake song.
36-Favorite car?
"...my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard..."
37- Favorite flower?
"...I could teach you, but I'd have to charge..."
38- How many keys on your key ring?
Five (including your mom's door key).
39- Can you juggle?
Will you get naked first?
40- Who would you hate to be trapped in a room with?
A guy with explosives strapped to his body.
41- Who would you love to be trapped in a room with?
This answer is too easy.
42- 7-up or sprite?
Suck my nuts.
42- Pepsi or coke?
Suck my nuts.
43- Coffee?
Don't make me say it a third time.
44- Favorite perfume?
The one your mom wears.
45- Any last words?
Tell your mom I'll be late tonight.
Monday, June 06, 2005
It will never get better than this.
Yesterday I ate some chocolate flan. I repeat, CHOCOLATE FLAN.
Regular desserts, please prepare your asses for much kicking.
Regular desserts, please prepare your asses for much kicking.
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