Sure, I'm flattered, but...

So I'm grocery shopping in S!lverlake last night. As I was walking back to my car, a gay couple was walking by, being frisky with each other, etc. As I passed them, one of them fell silent, tapped me on the shoulder and said "Oh, my God, you're hot." I gave him a smile, but kept walking.

I'm pretty secure with myself that I don't get all weird if a gay guy flirts with me. In fact, it's kinda flattering. But in exchange for my non-homophobia, I think my gay bretheren should help me out. If you are gay and think I'm hot, please tell five single, straight women. They'll listen to you. Straight women hang on gay men's every word. They won't believe it when I say so, but if you guys tell them, they'll be more apt to believe it.

I think that would be a fair trade.

I know this is extremely petty of me,
but I am glad knowing that my name, when googled, gets more pages of actual hits than when I google my ex-girlfriends' names.

Traveling-type shows

There are two really different travel shows on PBS that I see a lot. One is "Gl0betrekker," and the other is "R!ck Steve's Eur0pe." I would like to go on record that I would rather be a host on "Gl0betrekker" than be on Rick's show any day. "Gl0betrekker" kicks Rick's ass rather soundly. First of all, the "Globe" hosts are young, active, adventurous, and funny. I'd hang around them any day. Meanwhile, Rick's pansy ass is hanging out at bed and breakfast inns across Europe and pining for his wife. Pussy.

I've seen the "Gl0be" hosts climb the Andes, get pickpocketed, get drunk, eat bats, get a flat tire in the desert, get a bad case of food poisoning, attend a gay wedding, and eat kangaroo tail.

Rick sips tea on a cobblestone bridge overlooking swans while sewing a new button on his sweater.

Who would you rather hang out with?

I am sad today. But that's okay. I gots the right to be sad. So hooray for me!

Bored!

I'm alone at Morning Job®, and there's nothing to do. I just spent the last twenty minutes rearranging my Netfl!x queue. Well, now what? I'm here for another two frikken hours! I've done everything I could possibly do at my desk. Except clean it. I'm saving that for when the boss is around so I can look productive. Maybe I should just take off my pants. I mean, hell, I'm all alone, and I'm wearing clean underwear. That would put a little excitement in my day! And just think of the adreneline rush as I hear someone walking into the front door while I hastily re-pants myself. Wouldn't that be cool?

Yeah. I think I'm gonna take off my pants.

Trends, my aching body, and stupid self-help tricks

I don't consider myself a trendy person. In fact, I think I am a downward-trendy person. I pick up on trends when they stop being trendy. And it's unintentional. I shop at R0ss and shoe outlets for cheap stuff, and inadvertantly pick out things that were cool two or three years ago. I guess you can say I hop on the bandwagon when everyone else has bailed because it lost its brakes and is headed towards a brick wall covered in burning razor wire and acid. Oh, except for the ip0d. I'm all up in that shit like you won't belive.

Anyway, maybe this is showing my age, but last night a friend showed us dance moves from M!chael J@ckson's "Thr!ller" and "Be@t it!" videos. I enjoyed learning those moves. Not in a campy, mocking way, either. I REALLY ENJOYED LEARNING THEM. And I felt super cool, like "I'll kick your sorry ass if you think this ain't the shit." I was SOOOO into the moves.

So now my neck hurts. MJ does a lot of head jerks.

But anyways, so I was at a party tonight where there was a swimmin pool. So I swims around and hang out in the jacuzzi (relaxing the neck), when I had one of those moments where I'm surrounded by couples, and I'm the only single person in the immediate vicinity (jacuzzi), and I don't want to draw attention to my non couple-ness, because, I dunno, sometimes it feels weird to be the only single person in a group of couples ("LOOK AT THE FREAK!!!"). But I don't want to up and walk away, because everyone would look at the single guy walking away from all the couples and they'd just KNOW, you know? But I can't just sit there. But if I speak up and join a conversation, they'll think, "Oh, yeah, the single guy has a point there," and I don't want to be the single guy making a point, I'd rather be the happily coupled person making a point. So now I have to make a choice to either evaporate and re-solidify in another part of the house, or pee in the jaccuzzi and blame it on that guy over there, thus taking this overwhelming pressure off me. I'm not going to say what I did, but I'm going to lie and say that my exit was breathtaking.

Anyways, my point is this: if you are feeling less than up-to-par, look yourself in the mirror and say, "Damn, you are one sexy and amazing motherfucker."

That helps make things much better.

It won't take the pee out of the jaccuzzi, but trust me, it makes things better.

A trailer trash soap opera
by Kennedy

Mary: John, I want a divorce.
John: Why, Mary, why?
Mary: You've changed, John. You're not the cousin I married twenty years ago.

Blackout.
The end.

It's like being back in junior high school...
Answer these questions and post them in the comments section...

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you have a crush on me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
7. Describe me in one word.
8. What was your first impression?
9. Do you still think that way about me now?
10. What reminds you of me?
11. If you could give me anything what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. When's the last time you saw me?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
15. Are you going to put this on your blog and see what I say about you?

I've lived on Single Planet for a long time now. I didn't plan to. I just wanted a short visit. But for some reason I kept missing the rocket plane back to Couple Planet. And I can't seem to find my tickets anywhere. I'm sure they'll turn up soon. Oh, it's not that I don't like single planet. It's a nice, fun place. But I think it's time to move on. Besides, you can't find a decent deli around here.

Hello? Body? Hello?
So, I do static trapeze, I went jogging, and I took a hip-hop class. My body was fine. But the other day I pulled my back muscles doing what? Oh, bending over to pick up my shoes.

WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?

It has come to this...
I am at the Morning Job®. I have been here for three hours, doing practically nothing.

I am so bored, I think I'm actually going to e-mail myself.