When I go out on a date (god knows when that will happen), I must ask the following questions...
1) You know I'm not gay, right?
2) Are you married/dating/seeing anyone right now?
3) Do you find me sexually threataning?
4) Why not?
5) How about now (growl, slurp, growl)?
6) Are you now or have you ever been a man?
7) Can you please remove your salad fork from my eye?